Fitz Phone Episode 9: The FitzNews Network
I watch a lot of 24 Hour news networks and wanted to make an episode out of my limited material that didn’t look like me just sitting in a chair. So here’s me, sitting in a chair with a comb over.
I watch a lot of 24 Hour news networks and wanted to make an episode out of my limited material that didn’t look like me just sitting in a chair. So here’s me, sitting in a chair with a comb over.
August 30, 2008 at 10:57 pm
with tags: “…sick comb over…”
Love the Chromeo. The Row v. Wade joke kills me. Gotta work Ratatat- Run (it’s off their first remix cd, remix of ghostface killah & jadakiss) into an episode.
I vote bring flyers
August 31, 2008 at 9:42 am
lol i havent watched it yet, but i read comb over and busted out into a weezer tune…i’m not sure why? *wink* “somebody’s hair cut is a comb over. somebody’s hair cut…is parted to the left side”
September 1, 2008 at 2:03 am
hahaha bags of shampoo…that was me and steve…oh and I saw john mccains motorcade today. it was INSANE! i mean HUGE. at least 60 cops. no joke.
September 1, 2008 at 10:23 am
Sarah Palin has not even been on the National Stage for a full week yet. Here are 4 problems I have found already, in order from “Typical political mistake” to “Could sink the election for McCain”
1. When asked if she would remove “Under God” from the Pledge she said “Not on your life, if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me.” The Pledge was written way after the founding fathers and plus, “Under God” was added in the 50’s, I’m pretty sure. Not a huge deal really, but 2 fuck ups in one sentence.
2. In her acceptance speech she said she opposed the Alaskan “Bridge to nowhere.” Although I don’t even know what that is exactly, records show she campaigned and voted for it. I think it’s worth noting that she made a pretty big fuck up THE DAY she accepted the nomination…she lied.
3. She’s being toted around as a conservative patriot that sucks the long dick of the USA daily, and swallows….but she used to be a registered member of the Alaskan Independence Party. A party that wanted to secede from the United States. She loves her country so much she wanted her state to sever the ties?
4. In what is the most speculative, and potentially the most damaging: Her youngest child, who has down syndrome, is actually the child of her 17 yrs old daughter. During said “pregnancy” Sarah Palin never showed signs of being pregnant, and apparently pregnancy shows more with each child a woman has. Also during this time, her 17 yrs old daughter was pulled from school and was kept at home for SIX MONTHS with a bad case of “Mono.” Ever her closest aides said they never knew she was pregnant. It’s the type of cover up I would expect from a strong conservative who totes her “strong family values” when her 17 yrs old daughter who was never taught about contraception got bored in rural Alaska and got knocked up.
This is week one….
September 1, 2008 at 5:06 pm
The so-called “bridge to nowhere” was an idea put forth by an Alaskan senator or rep, one of those 3 people, to appease a group of people on a small Alaskan island. The bridge would have cost millions of dollars and serviced like 15 people. People were just pissed cause it would have done nothing except drain money that the government can’t afford to spend. Anyway, I’m pretty sure that’s at least part of the story behind the bridge. I might be thinking of something else, but I thought I saw something about it on tv, and as we all know, tv never lies…its a rule.
September 2, 2008 at 10:01 am
Where to begin about Sarah Palin? Well, let’s not even talk about the current investigation she is under for firing the public safety commissioner who failed to fire her ex-brother-in-law. That’s minor. Let’s just stay with her views on budgetary spending. For example, while mayor of Wasilla, a town of about 6700, she hired a lobbying firm to secure $27,000,000 in federal earmarks for her town. That equates to about $4,030 for every person in that town. As far as her belonging to the Independence Party, we should realize one thing. As McCain’s VP pick, she is calling for full and immediate drilling in the Artic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR). But, from statements she has made about this, I am lead to believe that she expects the proceeds, or, at least the lion’s share of proceeds from gas and oil leases procured, to flow directly to the residents of Alaska, all 675,000 of them. That, of course, would be a pretty sweet deal for anyone living in Alaska. I would suspect that this pro-drilling of ANWR stance would certainly be a major part of the platform of the Independence Party of Alaska. It would mean billions of dollars of revenue for them. Maybe these party members thought they could become their own little country, kind of like a Kuwait, where most of the residents there are filthy rich.
September 2, 2008 at 10:56 am
I just looked up Sarah Palin on the Internet, and the shit is really starting to hit the fan. About the only thing that could make matters worse for her, would be to find out that her husband is actually the father of her daughter Bristol’s baby. John, John, my friend, you still have time. Her nomination isn’t official yet. Withdraw her name, quickly. Nominate a good, party faithful, like Pawlenty, or Romney, or Crist. No, wait a minute, not Crist. There are too many rumors floating around that he’s gay.
September 2, 2008 at 11:32 am
yeah her daughter is pregnant again. See the whole down syndrome kid thing at first pissed me off and I was like what the shit!? but i’ve heard like 3 or 4 stories each one weirder than the last. so i’m beging to think it’s kind of an urban legend of some kind. and it might not be as bad as it seems.
September 2, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Big foreheads
September 2, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Palin also publicly stated that her eldest son was being sent to Iraq on September 11th.
Let me publicly state that Fitzphone will be launching an investigation on the ties between Al Qaeda and hurricane Gustav on the South-Eastern United States also on September 11th.
Suck on that plz
September 3, 2008 at 9:44 am
i thought they named it gustav to try to connect russian sounding names to death and destruction. but then i remembered gustav is actually a sweedish name
September 4, 2008 at 8:13 am
I don’t think you can honestly criticize Sarah Palin’s daughter for being pregnant, afterall, there’s only two things to do in Alaska, and you can only play so much hockey.
September 4, 2008 at 9:39 am
There’s so much shit everywhere on the internet about Palin, but for me this should be one of our biggest concerns. As a newly elected mayor, Palin’s inquiry of Wasilla’s town librarian regarding how to go about banning books considered “objectionable” gives us a very revealing and disturbing insight into some of her “not so hidden” agenda. She later said that she just wanted to know “in theory”. “In theory”, I would say that McCain has found himself the perfect running mate to take us back in time, at least back to 1984.
September 4, 2008 at 10:50 am
Mr. Naked, I found that well-written expose particularly disturbing as ‘banning books’ is an issue I thought had long passed. I suppose the Republicans truly DON’T KNOW what you can see on the internet. For free.
Secondly, does is feel like the definition of ‘we’ has seemed oddly different at each political convention? When Obama says it the word feels like ‘all of us’, when Giuliani says ‘we are being unfairely attacked’, etc., it feels like ‘us in this room’. The Republicans appear not to be reaching into other minority groups, except women. And not Hillary’s smart women, Hillary’s dumb women.
The Democrats clearly tried to align themselves with the working-class, women, blacks, college-educated, gays, & hotter-replacement-brides-for-deceased-spouses groups during their convention.
Are ‘hockey moms’ or ‘In-Bev share billionaires’ going to be the dark horse faction that really held all the cards in this election? No, they are not.
September 4, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Who can trust a network that has segments like this:
http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/4757/obamaby2.jpg
September 5, 2008 at 9:29 am
It’s discouraging to see the number of people in this country that succomb to this very lowest form of manipulation, fear mongering. You would think that in this day and age of science, technology, the internet, people would be more intellegent or sophisticated in their thinking. I guess when it comes right down to it, there are still plenty of people around who, when challenged to have an original thought, will simply revert back to their most primitive impulses. It’s for this reason that I am constantly reminded of that famous line uttered by Puck in Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”, “What fools these mortals be!”. It’s as true today as it was when Shakespeare wrote it over 400 years ago. Maybe it will never change.
September 7, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I just looked at what you posted fitz. Are you fucking kidding me???…do people really buy into this?? What dumbass in the production room of Foxnews thinks that this is a good idea. And conservatives (like my dad) wonder why foxnews is a joke to most of the nation, and certainly to the rest of the media. Of course they blame the “liberal” media for bashing them, but with bullshit like comparing the obama ticket to some weird name coincidence with a terrorist is disgusting. They ought to be ashamed to do something like that to anyone.